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Sexually Speaking
By Rachel Reynolds ’07
STAFF WRITER

For the last couple of issues, this column has been concerned with fairly grave matters, and it seems time to delve into more amusing subject material. I was sitting in hall the other night, as a bunch of fellow students were discussing the 5 places around St. Andrews to have sex before graduation, and it occurred to me that while W&L has the Colonnade Club, we have no similar institution at Sweet Briar.

So I propose to nominate ten places in the general Sweet Briar area, and ask my readers to write in and vote as to which ones they think should be in the top 5. General Disclaimer: this is for purposes of entertainment, not an instruction manual. Don’t get offended, and try not to get arrested for breaking and entering or indecent exposure. The nominees are:

1. (For juniors and seniors) the rock part of the Rock and Hitching Post. The first years and sophomores have their fun with it; shouldn’t we as well?
2. The Bell Tower. Embrace noise as an integral means of expression during sex.
3. Anywhere on the Liberty campus. Normally, I would advocate at least some small sense of respect for religious institutions, even those with which I differ ideologically. But given merry Jerry’s acerbic positions on women who are liberated in any sense, I think it’s fair. Extra points if your partner is another woman.
4. The playground at the school on campus. Readers should be advised not to leave anything behind, as small children will pick up and play with anything.
5. Target. I was going to nominate Walmart, but was advised that Target was classier.
6. The stacks in the library. I’m not exactly sure if this has traditionally been a common place for romantic liaisons or not; it’s so damn creepy down there; but that could also be thrilling. Extra points if the encounter is during finals week, when you’re more likely to get caught.
7. On a washing machine in the Meta-Glass laundry room. The RC apartment that opens into it is currently vacant, so you won’t be disturbing anyone. Obviously you get extra points if the machine is in use.
8. The bathroom at La Carretta’s. You’ll get indigestion later, so you might as well have your fun while you can.
9. One of the fields on our, like, thousands of acres. Best to bring a big blanket and check for ticks afterwards—a friend freshman year got Lyme Disease in the woods.
10. Write in any academic building of your choice; whichever wins automatically gets on the list. Babcock and the Riding Center count; the gym and the library do not.

So send in your votes (sbvoice@sbc.edu), and we’ll publish the results in the next edition. The vote is open to all campus readers, not just students. Please note that Monument Hill is NOT on this list, for two reasons. Campus safety will follow you if you go after dark, and they will find a compromising moment to inform you that it’s illegal in the State of Virginia to enter a graveyard after sunset (not that I know this from first-hand experience). Secondly, there is a higher authority than campus safety to which we answer, and I don’t think Daisy would be amused.

Monthly Pick-up Line: If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?